Apologies to anyone reading this post. It's more than a little self-pitying which is never good when you are part-architect of the reasons. As I've said elsewhere, we're just grains of sand hoping that our words let us collide and rub ideas with others on the beach of life. Excuse the clumsy metaphor. I'm reaching.

I've been cheering myself up this evening by randomly pottering about reading blogs. Just seeing the crazy mosaic of what so many other people are thinking on here usually helps to lift me out of the gloom when I'm feeling drenched in it which is getting all too frequent lately. I posted a comment to that effect earlier for someone else who finds blogs cathartic (thanks Louisa).

Unfortunately, although its been lightened a little, today I have a weight in me that persists, that won't be quelled by anything. Not even sure why I am writing about it as that won't change the reason for it either. The lyrics from a Cure song seem resonant right now - I'm going to share them here in another purely selfish attempt at catharsis:

I never said I would stay to the end
I knew I would leave you with babies and everything
Screaming like this in the hole of sincerity
Screaming me over and over and over
I leave you with photographs
Pictures of trickery
Stains on the carpet and
Stains on the memory
Songs about happiness murmured in dreams
When we both of us knew
How the end always is

Strange how songs take on a poignancy years after you fell in love with the music.

Sweet dreams everyone... night.